Find a Man With Emotional Intelligence

Chris Finding Love

One of the core principles I teach when I get new students is the PEN model theory. This is a complicated model, but the basic idea is that each woman has a dominant personality type that determines what type of man she’s attracted to. The same can be done for men as well.

The three types are as follows:

  • The Psychotic – Emotionally driven, spontaneous, adventurous
  • The Extrovert – Outgoing, sociable, friendly
  • The Neurotic – Hopelessly romantic, emotional, anxious

If you want to know which one you are, you can look up a test online and find out for yourself! However, each of these personality types has a specific preference when it comes to the type of men they find themselves attracted to.

  • Psychotics are attracted to Bad Boys
  • Extroverts are attracted to Leaders
  • Neurotics are attracted to Nice Guys

Once you discover what your ideal type is, you are on your way to finding the perfect match for you. However, that’s not what our topic is today. Today, we are discussing how to find a man with emotional intelligence (or, EQ). When you find a personality match for you who is into you, you might realize quickly that this man isn’t right for you if he lacks emotional intelligence.

  • A Bad Boy without emotional intelligence is an asshole.
  • A Leader without emotional intelligence is bossy and controlling.
  • A Nice Guy without emotional intelligence is clingy and needy.

See the problem?

In other words, not only do you need to figure out what type of man you are attracted to, but you also need to figure out if he is emotionally intelligent enough to be worth your time . I know, dating is exhausting.

Signs of Emotional Intelligence

Here are the three main things you need to look for when determining the emotional intelligence of a potential partner:

  • Self awareness
  • Empathy
  • Investment

Self Awareness

Just as you want to know when something is stuck in your teeth, you probably want to know when you’re doing something to upset your partner. Self awareness is the ability to ask yourself, “How can I improve my behavior?” and then taking steps to improve that behavior. This is a valuable trait, as I know that no woman minds being told by her boyfriend that she was right and he was wrong after a fight. You want a man who knows what he did wrong and will change it.


Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and feel what they are feeling. When your man has strong empathy skills, he can understand and fully appreciate how upset you are when your dinner plans get cancelled last minute. He also understands how to make you feel better about the situation and do something to make it up to you later. A man who lacks empathy won’t be able to comprehend why you are upset or what he can do to fix it.


I define investment, in this sense, to be the act of doing something to prove that he has the traits we mentioned previously. If he uses his ACTIONS to show you that he understands that he was wrong and that he wants to make it up to you, he is showing you investment. This is proof that he believes you are worth his time and effort.

Emotional Intelligence is a Two-Way Street

While these are all characteristics of a wonderful boyfriend, these are also characteristics of an amazing girlfriend. Take a moment to think about these three signs of emotional intelligence, and try to determine whether you exhibit these traits as well. You cannot expect your perfect match to come in, fall in love with you, show you amazing emotional intelligence, and have you NOT return the same. Make sure you are doing your best each day to practice self awareness, empathy, and investment.

If you practice increasing your EQ and find a man with a strong EQ, you are well on your way to having a successful and healthy relationship. Good luck!

With Love,

Christopher Isaac

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